Starting Over

Timeline: November 2016-Present

*** TRIGGER WARNING *** ALCOHOLISM/SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE TRIGGERS***

After the breakup and the loss of who I still believe is the love of my life, I tried to move on. I leaned on a “good” friend of mine. We talked. We talked about trying to date when I was in a good place. Well, this person made things worse. He was extremely manipulative, overly emotional, and took all of his problems out on me. This was after I went to his house to watch a movie, had a couple of drinks (I have not stayed sober during this process–not even limiting to an occasional glass of wine.), and I went to sleep after getting off the phone with my best friend. I woke up in the morning undressed from the waist down to find out that he had sex with me. I felt disgusting. I felt like it was my fault until I realized a couple of things: 1) I had gone to sleep. 2) He didn’t drink. At all. I checked.

I left his house. I showered. I changed clothes. I washed my dirty clothes. I did everything you’re not supposed to do evidence-wise. At this point, I was still blaming myself. It wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that I realized how wrong it was that it had happened.

To this day, he tries to make me feel bad for leading him on, but being under the influence of alcohol and asleep does not equal consent.

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5 thoughts on “Starting Over

  1. And you still believe this is the love of your life? If you don’t remember having sex then I would suggest you were either passed out or in a blackout state. Either way, there are so many red flags I have to control myself from becoming an advice machine! But I would gently suggest you’ve got shit to face straight up!

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